Friday, March 28, 2014

Holy Chit Chat!

Pope Francis, a true papal mensch, turned heads today when he confessed his sins to what the media called "an ordinary priest" (it's Lent, leave your oxymoron jokes at home), rather than his private confessor. Just another great modest gesture on his part. But one can't help but wonder ...

  • I confess I would have rather met Michelle than Barack.
  • I crave beef jerky on Fridays in Lent.
  • I regret not taking the red shoes. Slick, suave, and quite comfy!
  • Let me off with two Hail Marys and I'll let you call me Frank.
  • Benedict's kind of a bore when he gets talking encyclicals. 
  • In this town, I covet my neighbor's pasta.
  • I merely skim the begat sections in the Bible.
  • I voted for Drew Carey on DWTS. Who I am to judge? I'm the Pope, darn it!
  • I read Angels and Demons. Twice.
  • I bought a bootleg DVD of Noah two weeks ago from a guy on the street.
  • I sometimes sing "Infallible Me" in the shower to the tune of "Embraceable You."
  • Joel Osteen gives me the willies.
  • I love the smell of incense in the morning.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Would You Believe?

  • I've been on a Mormon mission?
  • I forgot how to write?
  • Working on Obamacare rollout?
  • Running the Cleveland Browns?
  • Forgot my password?
  • Been busy metal detecting?
  • Took a wrong turn?
  • Been stuck in a Cleveland pothole?
  • Looking for my golf ball in the woods?
  • Writing songs with Bob Dylan?
  • Comforting Mitt Romney?
  • Spelunking?
  • Winning a grant to write a novel?
  • Writing a novel?
  • I'm going to try to revive this thing once again?