Well, after doing some digging, this armchair traveler can now state without equivocation that outside of the loving arms of Penelope Cruz, American Samoa is now tops on my list of as-of-yet-unvisited desired destinations. To the wayward soul who was looking to suspend his or her AS citizenship, I can only say, with the utmost delicacy, what the hell are you thinking? See for yourself. A small group of islands (and atolls--never underestimate the allure of atolls) in the South Pacific, American Samoa sounds like paradise, if an occasional typhoon doesn't rankle you too much. With a total land mass about the size of Washington D.C. (and, um, natural hot air), a population of 65,000, and only one zip code to memorize (96799), could Heaven be much different? Plus, there's intrigue (international--rivarly with neighboring Samoa [formerly and should still be Western Samoa]; and domestic--some say the capital is Pago Pago, others Fagatogo [I'll bite my tongue on that one, but I'll bet you a three-dollar bill the dance music and the drapes there are fabulous; and besides, you can't go wrong with a capital named either Pago Pago or Fagatogo]).
My favorite story about AS is the one from 1889 when three German military ships showed up and wreaked some havoc on American property there. Sure enough, Uncle Sam wouldn't stand for it, so three U.S. ships showed up, but a typhoon (talk about acts of God) hit and wiped out all the bellicose ships, thus prompting a, I kid you not, "compulsory armistice, because of the lack of warships."
Or how about this? Because the U.S. Congress has never passed an "Organic Act" (as opposed to all the inorganic acts and members of Congress?) with regard to AS, AS is technically classified an "unorganized territory" (thus joining my sock drawer, all the Cleveland area Marc's stores, Detroit, and college fraternities across the land as official unorganized U.S. territories). I don't know, anonymous reader, but an unorganized territory lacking organic acts, a putative capital named Pago Pago, and atolls (plus a chance to become an NFL player forty times greater than any non-American Samoan) sounds too good for me: sight unseen I'll trade you my Cleveland Heights citizenship (the parking meter fees can't be any higher, plus I'll throw in my two snow scrapers [won't be needing those in the southern-most territory in the U.S.]) for your AS one.
Anyway, after this revelation of the wonders of American Samoa, I've got my whole team turning wheels. In an effort to "grow" my brand globally and go international with my magnanimity, I am hereby designating myself Northern Ohio cultural attache for American Samoa and this site the cyber sister city of Pago Pago and Fagatogo. I am publicly offering an open invitation for a wine and cheese meet and greet to the AS delegate (non-voting--the best kind, when you think about it) to the U.S. House of Representatives, the Honorable Eni Fa'aua'a Hunkin Faleomavaega, Jr. (okay, that's it, the man wins, hands down, for the coolest middle names ever; I'm going to appropriate Fa'aua'a Hunkin as my new nom de plume; the last time I uttered the sound "Fa'aua'a" was when the temperature nose-dived fifty degrees overnight at the nudist colony I occasionally frequent; come to think of it, usually when occasionally frequenting the nudist colony, I hear the word "hunkin'!" in my wake). Also, I will be holding a parade in my driveway on July 1, the AS Constitution Day. All are welcome.
In all seriousness, because of economic hardships in American Samoa, the military (American) is one of the best sources for financial security. As of March 2009, 12 American Samoans had lost their lives in either Iraq or Afghanistan--a pretty huge percentage when you consider the population.
Angry Samoans-Highway To Hell
Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E.-Angry Samoans
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