Pssst! Have I Gotta Proposition For You

Yes, it's the big day. Time to engage in America's favorite pastime--no, not watching the Super Bowl; no, not watching the Super Bowl commercials; but, yes, contemplating and even making a few Super Bowl proposition bets, or exotic wagers, as the boys down at the local, um, donut shoppe like to say (the only "exotic" wager worth making in Cleveland on February 7 is whether or not I'll ever see a bikini-clad woman in these parts again).

Now if you're looking for the standard proposition bets, like heads or tails on the coin toss, the duration of the National Anthem, chances that either Roger Daltrey or Pete Townshend will have a heart attack during halftime (in fact, if you're looking for any cheap joke at the expense of the venerable and beloved Who), go elsewhere. If you're looking for some exclusive, really-put-the-props-in-proposition proposition bets, well, then, partner, sidle right up to my window (N.B. all bets are in drachmae and are merely figments of your imagination).

• odds on Bill Cowher alluding to Proust's In Search Of Lost Time while analyzing Peyton Manning's audible technique: 5-1
• odds on Jim Nantz, after being handed the microphone from James Brown, says, "Heckuva job, Brownie": 3-1
• odds on Joe Namath effecting a wardrobe malfunction on Carrie Underwood during the National Anthem: 2-1
• over/under, out-of-nowhere references by Jim Nantz to Freddie "Boom Boom" Couples: 3
• over/under, mentions of Archie Manning: 12
• over/under, mentions of Eli Manning: 7
• over/under, mentions of Cooper Manning: .5
• over/under, percentage of commercials that use women's breasts or male genitalia as the prime source of humor: 67
• over/under, Phil Simms pronouncing the word "him" as "eem": 256
• odds that the cerebral Norman "Boomer" Esiason will wonder aloud what the "erudite and always effervescent spitouyourgum blog will have to say about that": 7-5
• over/under, times Roger Daltrey will stutter the m and g in "My Generation": 23
• odds that a current NFL star will be arrested in or around Miami in the next 24 hours: 3-5
• odds that a field mic will pick up Peyton Manning doing a commercial while seemingly making an audible: 4-1
• odds that the combined final score will be an even number: 2-1
• odds that a Russian computer hacker will manage to substitute a clip from Cannonball Run 2 for a game-deciding instant replay challenge and thus do more damage to the American way of life than the secret confederation of Bin Laden, Obama, Dan Brown, The Fed, and married gay couples could ever dream of doing: pick 'em

BTW: Colts 27-Saints 23

Sweet-Action