Remember the easy old days when the only decision to be made when purchasing a tube of Crest or a bottle of Coke was what size container? Now there must be at least a dozen variations of each product to choose from. Well, according to a top-secret intra-office memo from the HQ of twitter, obtained by the corporate espionage arm of spitoutyourgum, twitter is set to branch out into a host of niche markets. Outside of a few exceptions, these more specific social networks will still be limited to the 140 or less characters rule. To ensure my readers are always ahead of the curve, I hereby provide you with a list of some of the more interesting twitter product extensions, so you can be the first in your social network to make use of these soon-to-be essential electronic media.
- bitter: a network for heartbroken vampires to vent about the women who dumped them
- critter: a network for people to describe, comment on, and generally freak out about the animals they encounter when forced to smoke outside their homes in the middle of the night
- ditter: a network for good old boys to repeat the kick ass posts their peers posted
- fitter?: a network for guys shopping for clothes for their girlfriends/wives to gather information about the right size
- fjitter: a network for the Dutch
- flitter: a network for lepidopterists
- fritter: a network for procrastinators
- gitter: a network for bounty hunters and repo men
- hitter: a network whose use is prohibited for any member of the Cleveland Indians
- jitter: a network for performers about to take the stage
- kitter: a network for kaboodles seeking a partner
- litter: a network for tearing-up Native Americans to post their lamentations about unbagged garbage
- mitter: alas, already taken by the Romney In 2012! folks
- mnitter: a network for weary students to exchange memorization tips
- nitter: a network for grammarians who like to point out mistakes in other people's twitter posts
- phitter: a network for slimming down old skool b-boys who are sick of being phat
- pitter: a network providing diversion for old folks with nothing better to do with their time than putter around the house
- quitter: a support network for recovering twitter addicts
- ritter: all hail the late John
- shitter: a network for those communication-addicts who, like most sensible people, are too embarrassed to carry on a cell phone conversation while sitting on a public toilet
- sitter: a network for life drawing class models to relieve their boredom
- snitter: a network for people to escalate their twitter spats
- spitter: a network for twelve-year-old boys to exaggerate their latest "awesome loogies"
- stitter: a network for stuttering funny folks to exchange jokes
- thitter: a network for lisping baby-sitters to exchange useful tips
- titter: a women-only humor network where subscribers post two approximately symmetrical posts, whose characters are limited to the number corresponding to the poster's bust size
- witter: a men-only humor network for competitive guys out to post a funnier comment than their buddies
- yitter: a network for mensches
- zitter: a network for dermatologists
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