Our First Inductee: Dagwood Bumstead

I found twenty-seven cents in an old pair of jeans the other day when I was cleaning out my kitchen cupboards (a long and ultimately not funny at all story), and for once not dashing off to the nearest bubblegum machine, I decided to "do something" with this unexpected windfall. As I mulled my options, the word philanthropist kept popping up in my consciousness. I felt the urgent need to endow something. Thus, after a not-enough-donuts-and-too-much-talk-about-Green Initiatives-from-that-gadfly-Troy meeting with spitoutyourgum's Board of Trustees, it was decided that we would create a Hall of Fame, mainly because there just aren't enough of them around these days. And so, today I am proud to announce the opening of the American Fictional Character Hall of Fame (AFCHoF, pronounced how it reads).

The idea is a genius one, if I may boast. Since the idea is to honor fictional characters (American only; the Board is vehemently anti-globalization as I found out), there is no need to erect an actual Hall or hold elaborate induction ceremonies because nothing is really real, right? It's all fiction. Ergo, the initial $.27 endowment should last forever. Which is all not to slight the idea or the great American fictional characters that will be honored with enshrinement; it's just nice to have such a gleaming monument to America's imagination without any overhead costs.

The list of characters who will, I'm sure, be inducted to the AFCHoF in time is long and glorious. But where to start? The rules of induction stipulate that only one character be inducted at a time, to prevent Inductee Class Envy (ICE). Which fictional character will be able to bear the burden of being the AFCHoF's initial inductee? That question plagued me for a few torturous minutes (I mean, how is it possible to rate and rank the cultural influence of such stalwarts as Huck Finn, Rick Blaine, Ishmael, Hester Prynne, The Dude, and Carla Tortelli?) before I was able to come up with a most deserving, and, I believe, in the spirit of all-men-are-created-equal America, a most representative American fictional character: take a bow, Dagwood Bumstead, for you are the inaugural inductee to the AFCHoF!

The Blondie comic strip, created in 1930 by the estimable Chic Young and now written by his son Dean, was one I must admit I had long merely tolerated on my comics page, reading it only when I was bored or wasting time and decided to read all of the comics, instead of just my favorites (oh, where have you gone, Herman, The Far Side, Calvin & Hobbes, Foxtrot?). But as I've grown wiser (sic?), I've come to not only enjoy Blondie daily (sans italics, a man can dream, can't he?) but to look forward to its joie de vivre, its insouciance, its downright Zen-like effect on me. Most of this comes from Dagwood who, despite the title of the strip, is now pretty much the focus. If Dagwood isn't the embodiment of the good old American Male, I don't who is. He seems to want nothing out of life but naps, a hassle-free job, a good couch, a great sandwich, and the love of a wonderful family. And although these aspirations are nearly always thwarted in some way, he still ends up relatively happy and content. Like the aforementioned Huck and Ishmael, Dagwood possesses an uncanny ability to adapt, survive, and endure, with humor, good will, and a great deal of hard-earned wisdom. I can think of many characters--real and fictional--who are a lot less qualified to stand as role models in daily life, and few better. Dagwood, you're an inspiration, even though you're merely a figment of someone's imagination. Congratulations on your induction to the AFCHoF. It is well deserved.