Count Your Blessings, If Not Your Teeth, Buddy

I'm sure by now you've all heard about the Pole, Marek Olszewski, who a mere few days after dumping his girlfriend, Anna Mackowiak, a dentist, went back to her seeking treatment for a toothache. Well, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned who's equipped with anesthesia and a pair of pliers--she put him under and proceeded to remove all of his teeth. The man's new girlfriend (those Poles move fast, I guess) dumped him because she couldn't be with a guy who has no teeth. Some true stories don't really need any comment, but still, this one is just so good it does cry out for some kind of artistic attempt, doesn't it? Don't worry, though, I won't go down the easy, did you hear about the Polack with a toothache route; that would be a rather toothless endeavor. Besides, I kind of sympathize with both sides here--poor Marek, poor Anna--and being in a rather optimistic mood this morning, I prefer to address this story from a more positive perspective. The tried and true, it could have been worse one. Here goes.

Oh Marek
Your plight
Begs a lyric
Tho lack bite it might.
While you gum your victuals
And sip your soup
We'll cue the sad fiddles
And let you re-group.
It makes for a good curse:
'May you date only dentists
With cruel recriminatory penchants,'
And it could be much worse:
She could have been a proctologist
With needle and thread
Or a urologist
With injectionary lead.
She could have been a cardiologist
With a super cattle prod
Or a neurologist
With dynamite Oh God!
She could have been an ophthalmologist
With fiery tongs
Or a psychoanalyst
Who'd smoked too many bongs.
A podiatrist
With hot coals in store
Or a sex-change surgeon
With ambitions galore.
So dear Marek,
Count your blessings,
If not your teeth,
And while you change
Your dressings,
Make this your belief:
It's okay to play doctor with your girlfriend
But your life you'll rue
If you ever let your ex-girlfriend
Doctor you.