The Plunger Games

In a world not that different from our own, 18-year-old Scatnipp Everwhine knows her way around a monkey wrench and clogged pipes; she has to, for she lives in District Overyonder, one of six districts that make up the nation Foremerica, where tools are rudimentary and the plumbing worse. At the annual Passing Day ceremonies, Scatnipp is chosen, along with her district-mate Peeta Wrap--a rather sad-sack young man who dreams of being a vending machine repairman--to represent their District in Foremerica's Plunger Games, an awful pay-per-view contest where two young adults (known simply as #1 and #2) from each district are locked into individual port-a-potties where they must read godawful third-generation fan fiction while subsisting solely on spicy, laxative-laced fare. The last one to make use of the only tool provided--a splintery plumber's helper--to unclog his or her notoriously malfunctioning port-a-potty wins the respect of the nation and a home with indoor plumbing. This year's interminable tome that the Great Unflushed (that's what they call the district reps) must read continuously while sitting on their holes is Fifty Shades of Pink Slime, a horrendous, laborious look inside the lascivious world of meat packing. Will Scatnipp emerge from her port-a-potty unwretching in triumph? Will Peeta Wrap ever succeed in winning anyone's sympathy? Will that treacherous good-for-nothing from District Aroundthebend, Dustin Beeper, get his pretty blond hair mussed up? And what will that vamp from District Somewheredownthattaway, Oxsona Bayou, learn about seducing a slaughterhouse hand from her voracious reading? If you care, stay away from this blog in the future.