Song Misinterpretations, Done Right

In my constant dual attempts to waste more time on the Internet and to increase my burgeoning trivial knowledge, I clicked on a story titled "Eight Commonly Misinterpreted Songs," written by Vicki Santillano, at something called DivineCaroline.com. I'm sure Ms. Santillano is a wonderful person, but I was a little disappointed by her article. She rounded up the usual suspects and told the usual stories and that was about it. Always looking to rip off a half-decent idea and run it through the spitoutyourgum sensibility, I hereby offer you the following list of eight very common songs and the truly remarkable "real stories" behind them. You see, these songs are not only so common, but their "meanings" are apparently so straight forward that few people take the time to read between the seemingly simple lines, to scratch beneath the surface, so as to discover the (at times quite shocking) truth behind them. Lucky for you, I am a certified one of those "few people." Be prepared to have a lifetime's worth of familiar listenings totally blown away by what follows.

1. The Hokey Pokey Song by Various: An innocuous kids' dance song, no? Hardly. Lost in the mist of variant forms and competing claims of authorship (you'd think some people would set their competitive bars a bit higher), is the fact that this insipid but undeniable song is a, well, cornerstone of the Freemasons' world rule. In the sacred, secret dance halls of the infamous secret society's lodges, the Hokey Pokey song is sung, and the accompanying dance danced, ritually by the secretive Masons before any undertaking by them which will result in further world dominance is duly undertaken. The fact that everyone in the world knows the song and dance by the age of four and happily sings and dances it after two glasses of champagne at any wedding is the ultimate smirk at the world by those nasty Masons. Rumor has it Dan Brown's next novel will be titled The Hokey Pokey Unholy Conundrum. 
2. Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger: The song that unfortunately provided the world with the uncalled for visual of Tom Cruise in tighty whiteys seems like a simple paean to the joys of old fashioned rock and roll, the kind that was made before the Beatles did acid. In reality, this song is Seger's post-Viet Nam, post-Watergate lament about the changes wrought in the United States intelligence community's modi operandi with the dissolution of the OSS and the creation and ever-increasing hegemony of the CIA. With this knowledge, just try to listen to that line about not going to hear a tango and not think about the United Fruit Company.
3. I Want To Hold Your Hand by The Beatles: Love song? Bollocks. In their "decadent" Hamburg days, the Beatles, contrary to the myth that all they did between endless gigging was go whoring and pop pills, usually wiled away their time playing the old-fashioned card game Hearts. In the middle of a game once, Paul asked John what he wanted to do with regard to discarding. John, inveterate looker-at-other-people's-cards as he was, honestly replied to Paul, "I want to hold your hand." Ten minutes later the song was written. Incidentally, the "you" in the song is not some Scouse bird or Reperbahn hooker, but simply the ace of spades. A fact that Lemmy exploited years later.
4. God Save The Queen by The Sex Pistols: Fresh from his reading of Nabokov's Knight's Gambit, John(ny Rotten) Lydon penned this intricate, allusive ode to the joys of chess. And how prescient was the line about "no future" for England? Can you name a famous British chess player since the song came out?
5. All Right Now by Free: That insidious riff helps to disguise this song as a simple one about a boy who meets a hooker and thinks he's in love (love? Lord above!) and that everything's a-ok now. No. The songwriters, "Andy Fraser/Paul Rodgers," is actually a pseudonym for Barry Goldwater, yes, that Barry Goldwater. After his thumping in the 1964 presidential election, Goldwater, like everyone else, assumed the Conservative Movement was dead. But by 1970, with Nixon having awakened the Silent Majority, the Kennedy dynasty devastated by assassination and Chappaquiddick, and Ronald Reagan somehow making the transformation from bad actor to California governor better than Ahnald would thirty years later, Goldwater was feeling pretty good about himself and his beliefs. Things were all right now indeed, he felt. You doubt me? Check out the line about "them" raising the parking rates and see if that isn't a Conservative mantra if ever there was one. And what better group to give his song to than one called Free? It all fits together, doesn't it? Once you see a glimmer, you then see the light.
6. I Shot The Sheriff by Bob Marley: A closet Barney Fife/Don Knotts fan his whole life, reggae king Bob Marley despised Andy Taylor/Griffith. Basically.
7. God Bless America by Various: An unquestionably beautiful and stirring patriotic hymn. Believe it or not, the song's writer, the estimable Irving Berlin, had other things on his mind the early spring morning in 1918 when he wrote it. Berlin, born Israel Isidore Baline in Belarus (a land famously bereft of pollen), had always been mystified by the amount of allergy sufferers (and the severity of their sufferings) in his adopted homeland of the USA. Early in his songwriting career, Berlin, facing a stiff bout of writer's block one morning, kept being distracted by all the sneezers around him on Tin Pan Alley. Finally tiring of offering individual blessings to each and every repetitive sneezer, Berlin decided to be done with it once and for all and penned this generic one for one and all.
8. Any Song by the Police: Sting is the anti-christ, as any half-informed rock cognoscente clearly knows. In light of that fact, re-interpret any song from the Police canon at your own risk.