The editor of Novy Mir began to read a prepublication copy of One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich in bed.
And then found himself so impressed that he not only got up but put on a suit and a necktie to finish with what he felt to be the requisite respect.
Now there's a courteous reader. I can't say I've ever considered what to wear when doing some reading (or really, doing just about any other activity), but I like the idea of dressing appropriately when bending the spine on a given book. Now admittedly my sartorial acumen is next to nil, but I'm a pretty decent reader (although I did come to it a bit tardily; my mother recounts the anecdote--which despite my steel-trap memory I don't recall--that once as a young boy, bored, I asked her what there was to do; she told me to read a book; I--allegedly--replied, "But I've already read ONE!"). And so, as best as I can, I will try to provide a fashion guide (for men only, God knows I could never presume to suggest what a woman should wear, for any occasion) for the appropriate reading of various authors.
- Wiiliam Faulkner--bourbon-stained jeans, a workshirt with cigarette burns, and boots carrying the faint stench of barnyard animal manure
- J.D. Salinger--khakis and a button-down Oxford shirt untucked in the back
- Ernest Hemingway--essentially, and at least, a jockstrap
- Dan Brown--an EPA-approved Haz-Mat suit
- Edgar Allan Poe--an ill-fitting shirt with ruffles
- David Foster Wallace--baggy shorts, flip-flops, and your favorite t-shirt
- Jane Austen--a thong
- Emily Dickinson--the suit you plan to be buried in
- Thomas Pynchon--camouflage pants, Chuck Taylors, a Dead concert t-shirt, and one of those propeller beanies
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez--a pair of eccentric, open-flyed boxers
- Vladimir Nabokov--a Pith helmet, a butterfly net in one hand, and jailhouse coveralls
- Gertrude Stein--some flannel and a pair of steel-toed workboots
- Herman Melville--swimming trunks, or, if you would prefer not to, go naked
- Marquis de Sade--vinyl
- Virginia Woolf--an overcoat of one's own
- Mark Twain--second-hand overalls
- F. Scott Fitzgerald--a tailored green shirt
- Dr. Seuss--Geranimals
- Sigmund Freud--a cocktail dress
- spitoutyourgum--something, please
