Kerfuffle, No More, No Less

As I write this, tipoff of the Big Game is about half an hour away. You know the Big Game, LeBron's return to Cleveland, the game we've been instructed to "circle on our calendars" for five months now. The one that "everyone's been talking about," the one that's brought "media from all over the globe" to Cleveland, the one where we'll supposedly see "how LeBron handles it," and whether or not the fans of Northeastern Ohio will "embarrass themselves on national TV" by "doing something bad." Piddle, all of it. Personally, as much as I hate to say it and depressed as I am by the mere micro-dusting of snow on the ground and temperatures holding steady in the windy 20-35 degrees range (and knowing full well in two months I'll be sacrificing small animals for such moderate climes), I wish a good old blizzard would be blasting these parts right now to really show all the far-flung media descending on our humble town what life is like here, with or without the Chosen One. Moreover, if I had my way, at the tipoff, all 20,000+ fans would silently file out of Quicken Loans Arena to show how much we really give a rat's ass about spoiled sports and the parasitic gawking media. But I suspect there'll be an ugly moment or three, LeBron will wind up with his usual stats-heavy game, and the Heat will win going away. Ho hum.

In the long run, this whole game will merely be a kerfuffle. And I don't use that word lightly because I hate the word. Now I have nothing against the Scots (they're responsible in one way or another for much of the music I love, Edinburgh is one of the greatest cities I've experienced, and their accents are killer), but I'm told that this despised word comes from Scotland where, with the accent and personality of the Scots, I can almost see the word working. But beyond the parameters of Scotland, the word stinks and should be eliminated from everybody's dialect. Why? Why such vitriol over a kind of fun-sounding word? Mainly because it is a fun-sounding word only employed by people who consciously want to use a fun-sounding word when they're usually talking about something not so fun--a disturbance or fuss--and because it seems to be used more and more often these days. All I'll say is that to me it's a Holly Hobby word; if you know what I'm talking about, nothing more needs to be said. If you don't, believe me, it's not worth the kerfuffle of looking up Holly Hobby. I hereby decree, the only time any non-Scots person anywhere, or any Scots person outside of Scotland, may use the word kerfuffle is when one is having trouble extracting one's handkerchief from one's ass pocket. That's it. You've all been warned.

Now excuse me, I have to turn my attention to a certain basketball game to see if I'll should be embarrassed or feel proud of myself come tomorrow morning. Though, with the usual qualifications of nobody getting hurt, something in me wants something truly asinine to occur tonight at the Q. Kerfuffle me not.

Doesn't He Like Us?

Every teacher knows them, the students who hang around after class to tell you something inane but important to them. The kids who after you mention some obscure movie or CD in class one day will tell you a couple days later they bought the movie or CD and really like it. The ones who give you some obscure candy bar, like a Zagnut, because you said it was your favorite. Nice kids, all of them, just looking for a little affirmation and kindness and respect that they usually aren't getting too much of from the other students. They're a little insecure and they want to be liked, want to know they're okay, not some freak. They all grow out of it. The kid who hung around you every day after class as a sophomore passes you in the hall as a senior with barely any recognition.

As I write this it's three hours until LeBron James finally ends all the suspense and announces where he's going--or staying. The vibes are definitely in the going column right now--probably to Miami. To pay any attention to the media in Cleveland right now or just the chatter on the streets, things seem pretty glum. The refrain I keep hearing, which really ticks me off, is the "how could he do this to us?" one. "He's going to go on national TV and kick us in the teeth." The sense seems to be if LeBron doesn't "do the right thing" and re-sign with the Cavaliers, the city of Cleveland will implode, never be the same.

Enough. Cleveland seems to me to be that needy kid, one who's never grown up and out of it, though. Since when is this DECISION really about us? It's almost as if Clevelanders hate Cleveland and are too insecure to admit it. They need big-time people like LeBron to affirm their choice/fate of living in Cleveland. As if they're saying, I hate Cleveland, but as long as the world's greatest basketball player is here, and now chooses to be here, it's okay with me.

Name me a twenty-five-year-old who's been given the ultimate choices of moving anywhere in the country, especially to a place like Miami, to work with good friends and have an excellent chance at succeeding like he or she's never succeeded before, who wouldn't seriously consider moving, let alone probably doing it. Is it a slap in the face to the community if the person does? Hell no. LeBron doesn't owe us Clevelanders anything, except maybe our lives back, which would be a good start for all of us to move on and grow up.

Besides, if he does leave, we'll only be left with a much bigger chip on our collective shoulder to flaunt (and boy do we love that). Also, no longer will we be the favorites. In my lifetime, the few times Cleveland has been the favorite, we've failed (choked?) miserably. Underdogs with massive chips on our shoulders, that's who we are. Maybe it's time to return to our roots. LeBron's been a very accommodating, friendly teacher for us for seven long years now. It's time we let him go and deal with our own insecurities.

Of course, if he stuns us all and does re-sign, I'm sure I'll be jumping for joy and thinking about a championship parade down Euclid Avenue in less than twelve months.