Well, barely 36 hours into the New Year and my resolution list lies in tatters like my Edwards In 2008! signs. But I had to work both New Year's Eve and New Year's Day (ah, employment) so I think I'm entitled to a bit of a do over. Anyway, being a devout Gemini, I have both a public and a private list of resolutions for 2011. While the private list is available for a mere $49.99 (plus $6.00 in service fees), I now offer you gratis some of the highlights of my public one:
- Shit or get off the pot. Either get the damned Bigfoot costume darned and make a commitment to more daily walking, or shred the thing and re-enter the crop circle arena.
- Plain M&M's only in 2011.
- Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me annual resolution: Broker a deal by any means necessary to ensure the unbeatable Obama-Palin ticket for 2012.
- As a corollary of the above, try to hook Biden up with a job in my new workplace.
- Write fewer list blogs.
- Annual charity work resolution: Do what I can to help Scarlett Johansson through the difficult aftermath of her ruined marriage.
- Dreadlocks.
- Get them all off my back and finally join their damn fantasy curling league (hairdressers are such a high maintenance lot).
- Do my part to bring back tightie whities aka men's briefs.
- Make "etiquette" the new buzzword of '11.
- Check in regularly on Larry King.
- Keep all nine chest hairs well-groomed.
- No. 1--lift seat; No. 2--seat down.
- Simple formula: more travel = more TSA patdowns :)
- Oops, pay closer attention to which resolution list I'm cutting and pasting from.
- Reveal my love of Bob Dylan's music more openly.
- Maximize the day--trim Plain Dealer reading time from eight to six-and-a-half minutes daily.
- Be here
now nowish.
- More Lenny, less Squiggy.
- Push the envelope in thinking outside the box so I can stay in the loop 24/7 and be able to bring to the table my true self and send the message that I am creative.
- For once in my life, let me try some pepper on that.
