Streets Are Talkin' Dennis

I am not a rumor monger, and with a devoted readership in the dozen(s), naturally I feel a responsibility for reporting nothing but the truth here. Maybe it's been the heat, though, but the streets around me have been talking for days now, namely a juicy tidbit with ramifications not only in the neighborhood but I would humbly suggest the world, too. After sitting on this ort of knowledge for a few days, honestly hoping either it would prove false or that someone else might report it first (hey Drudge, where you been on this one?), thus removing the onus of revelation from me, I now find it my duty to report what I know. The streets talked and the sidewalks, tree lawns, and even the back alleys have confirmed, so to press we go.

In retrospect, it seems like a no-brainer putting two and two (or, more literally, the quid and quid) together: One week President Obama takes U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Cleveland, OH) for a ride on Air Force One and soon garners a much-needed yes vote for health care reform from the up-to-that-point definite no Kucinich. The next week or so, longtime Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens ("the last liberal") makes noises about retiring. The media starts the round-up of potential nominees. Well, you heard it here first, just what deal was struck on that Air Force One ride--Dennis Kucinich ("the next last liberal") will be Obama's nominee to succeed Stevens, making him, Kucinich, the court's first ever Irish-Croat and undoubtedly the shortest male (he does tower over Ruth Bader G., of course) ever to serve on the high court (Obama's into these kinds of firsts, you know). While I'm sure the news of the nomination will cause a general media whiplash, upon closer inspection, it makes complete sense: by replacing a liberal with a liberal, the court keeps its balance; Obama, who has supposedly lost much of his luster with the far left, not only placates them by putting Kucinich on the court, but also eliminates his main challenger for the Democratic nomination in 2012 (only Dennis would have the chutzpah to challenge Obama seriously in 2012, right?); it should be a very easy confirmation process--the Republicans aren't going to fight a Stevens replacement too strenuously, especially one as contentious as Kucinich, who of course would mobilize the whole Shirley MacLaine, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins brigade; no, the Republicans would just fold up their tents in the face of that kind of sound and fury and concentrate the fight on future, weightier nominees. Besides,with the state of the economy and everybody screaming about government spending, having a justice whose robes would measure about a quarter of the size of Kennedy's or Scalia's would be a great PR move. Justice Kucinich taking his seat the first Monday in October, 2010--take it to the bank, folks.

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