Congratulations for desiring to be a Nut Case Blogger (NCB). The world, which, as you know, will cease to exist as we know it in December, 2012, needs you now more than ever. But desire alone is not enough to make you a bona fide NCB; you must also prove you have the requisite chops. And so I present the following examination to see if you're truly wacko enough to be an exemplary NCB or merely a boorish bore in need of a hobby--it's very hard to tell the difference sometimes, but this fully NCBA-vetted exam is capable of separating the true nuts from the shells. Good luck, and as always, continue to be a great American we can all be proud of.
Given the photo evidence above, is Barack Obama...
(choose one, or another one if that fits your agenda)
a. Receiving the revered "Kenyan Good Knight" official blessing from His High Holy One Kenyatta the 26th, signifying his (Obama's) steadfast support of Kenya, an honor reserved only for those born in Kenya?
b. Receiving a "stay true to your beliefs/you go bro" rallying speech from his boyhood self in clear proof that the government not only possesses but utilizes rules-of-physics-bending time travel technology garnered from years of covered-up ET contact?
c. Giving birth to a fully-formed six-year-old clone of himself straight from his head, proving that if not the Anti-Christ itself, Obama is one very strange alien?
d. Has a severe case of rheumatoid artritis, which has been covered-up by the left-wing biased media, and is under the New Age healing care of a Rasputin-like figure, the nefarious dwarf Coleman Webster?
e. Is now "it" in yet another game of Oval Office Duck Duck Goose?
f. None of the above--the above are just convenient cover stories in order to keep the American People from the awful real truth about their President, which is that...
Please explain your answer in a mildly coherent 3,500 word rant with enough keywords so that the Drudge Report will pick it up.
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