In Dreams I Talk To You

The other day (aren't they all other days?) Co-Worker marches up to me and tersely instructs me (might have been wagging a finger at me too, I can't remember), "Stay out of my dreams!" Seems as though the night before, my dream cohort, Angelina Jolie, in the guise of Lara Croft, and I had invaded Co-Worker's dream. Angelina was chasing Co-Worker and me in a rather (to Co-Worker's dreamy subconscious) terrifying scenario. I acted surprised and chagrined, as one should, and did my best to assure Co-Worker that I would commune with my dream-rep and tell it to cool its heels and not mess with my co-workers. But really, I've been in this situation before, people telling me I popped up in their dreams uninvited. Invariably, I hear the sentence, "It was such a weird dream." Hey man, it's news when you have a dull dream, ain't it? You're welcome for the attention. What can I say, my dream doppelganger is a rather mischievous, footloose character. Alas, though, I can't control him, really. Who can? But wouldn't it be great if we (or more to the point, I) could control in whose dreams (and in what manner) we show up?

Off the top of my head (and there's an expression that is woefully in need of some renovation; perhaps a little more badly-needed creativity in this world would be sparked if we started thinking out of the sides of our heads, or from the bottom), here are a few people's dreams I would visit if I only had the power to control my dream envoy: 1.) Angelina Jolie: Since she's found it amusing to drag me along into invading Co-Worker's dream, I think it only fair that I show up regularly in her dreams. I picture me dressed in mismatched dark socks, wrinkled white boxers, and a stained tank undershirt, mildly jumping up and down and chanting, "Brad's a schmuck; look at me!" 2.) Boutrous Boutrous-Gali: I'm a marketing genius advising BB-G (hey, a two-in-one replacement for Robin and Maurice; the Bee Gees live on!) on possible re-branding of his name, the better to cash in on his global icon status. "Well, we could go with Boutrous Squared, but getting that little, elevated 2 can be a problem for a lot of people to wrangle from their word processors. How about Boutrous Etc.? Boutrous Ditto? Boutrous X 2? Kind of hip-hop sounding, that. Bou Bou? Boutrous Reiterated? Work with me here, B." 3.) Newt Gingrich: No words. I just sit there in his dreams, loudly slurping a dripping, never-ending Fudgsicle and picking my ear. 4.) Nipsey Russell: I don't care if he's been dead seven years. Think of the doors this sentence could open: "I was in Nipsey Russell's dream the other night." 5.) Sting: I would keep moving in on him and taunting, "Close enough? Is this close enough? Huh? Closer? Is this good?"

Oh well, a man can dream, can't he?