Assorted Other Habits Of Mildly Effective People (R.I.P. Stephen Covey)

Far be it from me to allow all sorts of local, national, global events to stir me from my impromtu estivation, i.e. summer vacation, but farther be it from me not to honor the passing several days ago of an individual whose work has enriched me for years, self-help guru Stephen Covey. I can't say I've ever read (rather self-evident) Mr. Covey's magnum opus, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but in my many years of selling books, I sure have sold my fair share of them, so many I bet, that undoubetdly Mr. Covey is responsible for a percentage or three of my GIP. Thank you, sir.

And so it is that I now consider the death of another cultural icon with mixed emotions: sad at the demise, gleeful with anticipation of the treasure trove of goodies bound to be unloosed--the outtakes, the alternate versions, the early drafts, the never-deemed-fit-for-publication scribbles. The assorted supposed ephemera that will allow us fans to fully judge the scope of the artist and give us a glimpse at the particular mechanics of genius. And farthest be it from me not to indulge my warped imagination and speculate here just what some of those outtakes are. If I know my book retail business, I'm sure it will be only a matter of months before we see something akin to the following.

23 Miscellaneous Habits/Predilections of Mildly Effective Folks

1. Two-week vacations, not two-month.
2. Avoid self-help books.
3. It's very easy to master the skill of putting your pants on two legs at a time; do it.
4. While stopping to smell the roses, sample the begonias as well, they're quite a treat.
5. Full commitment to the intricate gesture/comment of firmly gripping a person's shoulder, looking him or her directly in the eyes, nodding your head with a tight-lipped quarter-smile, and blithely, though with just a hint of gravity, saying, "But of course," will keep all the crazies you encounter in their place.
6. More ketchup, less mustard.
7. "Watch your parking meters," is a bit extreme; read instead, "Keep an eye out for parking meters."
8. The grass is always greener where the water bill is higher.
9. Transform aphorisms into habits/predilections.
10. Accost, verbally, maybe even fistily, those who crutch themselves on "It is what it is." A little, "Well, for starters, your nose ain't what it used to is," can go miles for the both of you.
11. A bird in the hand is silly, unless you're in England.
12. Bring nothing to the table except a better table. A swivel chair is pretty good too.
13. Number the list after writing it to guard against artificial padding and hair-pulling.
14. Declare the damn thing unplayable, take your punishment, and get on with it. There are no heroes on a golf course; only survivors.
15. Respect the Sun, woo the Moon, and always cover Uranus.
16. Dot your t's and cross your i's sometimes, just to keep the bastards guessing.
17. Good fences might make good neighbors, but inviting them to your all-night party cements the relationship.
18. A well-climbed tree begs no hugging.
19. Clothes do not make the man, but they sure can un-make him.
20. Austen to impress, Bronte (Emily, duh) to court, E.L. James to score.
21. Blackjack to wield, not to play.
22. Get a good night's sleep any hour of the day.
23. Blog more often.