Good Eternity! I'm angel Steve, Marketing Manager and Guest Services Director here at SixEight. I trust you'll find everything here quite perfect--God knows you deserve it. Now I realize you're still a bit disoriented from the move, it's only natural, or, as you'll begin to realize, a bit SUPERnatural. That's our motto here at SixEight, by the way, we put the super in natural! Yes indeed, SixEight, not quite the SevenNine everybody hears about, but Heaven nonetheless; you made it! Congratulations. Well, now sure, a little disappointment is only natural, but I'm certain that in a few short eons you'll get over that. Just about every soul here--including us angels--has gone through the initial sense of disappointment, chagrin even, but trust me, SixEight is indeed paradise. Now remember how you felt when the Paris honeymoon plans didn't quite come to fruition? But then you discovered that for honeymoon purposes the Poconos ended up being, well, quite rock'n'roll indeed? Yes we know, and no, don't worry, there is no blushing in Heaven, no matter the cloud. Anyway, just relax and take in some of the more obvious amenities to help you get situated. No, those are mandolins. The harps are reserved for, yes, that's right, SevenNine. Hey, there are no rivalries, no envy here throughout the entire seven-tiered Heaven, thank God, but, um, really, entre nous, harp music? Eternity? Dwell on that for a millennium or two. Hunh? Mandolins is where it's at, we all believe. Again, not to disrespect or anything, but at FourThree? Glockenspiels. You'd have thought Lucifer would have taken all those before he took the plunge. Yes, I, know him. Knew him. Quite charming in his way, obviously. Anyway, let's see, over here, why yes, that is a tree. No, no, pluck away. No shortages here. Plenty of bacon trees for everybody. I prefer the crispier ones, just beyond that next puff there. Well, no, sorry, no streams of scotch here. That's a good one. Just gravy rivulets. Well, yes, indeed, SevenNine's shower heads are adjustable in that way; I prefer the massaging gin setting myself. Well we angels get cloud leave every epoch or two. Well, what can I say? It's SevenNine, after all. Trust me, though, by the end of my vacation--every time--I am more than ready to get back to SixEight. Because, well, SixEight is just more relaxed, homey, you know? SevenNine's just a bit too starchy and, well, anal for my tastes. How does angel Gary--you'll meet him soon enough, he's our activities director, well, sure, all sorts of fun stuff--anyway, as Gary likes to say after he returns from his cloud leave, "You can take the life away from a martyr--sometimes all too easily--but you can never take the martyr complex away from the martyr." Nuff said, hunh, hunh? Anyhoo, let me just let you wander around for a few decades and get used to the lay of the cloud, your neighboring souls, the whole, gosh, heavenly aura--whoo, low bridge, duck!--ha ha, that's SixSix, a bit rambunctious that cloud. Look, you'll love it. Relax, enjoy, it's home. Now I'm off to my daily coffee with Job. You know the conversation we've just had--why SixEight and not SevenNine? The one you'll soon realize is nonsense when you come to fully appreciate your place in Heaven? I've been having the same one with Job for a few thousand years now. Let me just say, not to complain, but for us angels, another day in paradise isn't always paradise; it's work. I earn that semi-epochly massaging gin shower, buddy. Ciao.
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