13 Ways of Considering an Irreverent e-mail Attachment

1. After the holiday rush, Santa Claus promises to sit down with his physician and have a frank discussion about Flomax.
2. "Dad, I swear, we had those yellow lights arranged in a beautiful star. It must have been the wind. Either that or those Jewish kids down the street, you know, the Zinnamon's?"
3. "Carrots and warm milk. All they ever leave me is carrots and warm milk. Well I'll show them."
4. "Honey, after you're finished with the lights and sawing down the tree, won't you lend me a hand canning all these fruitcakes for the bazaar?"
5. A statement from the PR firm of Schwartz, Patel, and Abdul: "Just like Tiger Woods and half the United States Congress, our client, Mr. Claus, as magnanimous and jolly as he is, after all is only human. He's not perfect, and he makes mistakes. He regrets any offense he may have caused and looks forward to moving on from this unfortunate incident."
6. The following year, Mrs. Claus added Depends to her list.
7. "Damn that Christmas Ale!"
8. Thirty-seven years later, Phil was still angry over not getting that electric football set he so desperately wanted in 1972.
9. "There goes Santa Claus, there goes Santa Claus..."
10. After the Joneses next door got their 50 foot inflatable snowman, Gus Tobin was no longer so keen on keeping up.
11. "Who's going to know if I've been a little naughty? The Easter Bunny? As if."
12. Christmas in Kohler, Wisconsin.
13. "Relax, Blitzen. You're not being replaced. Santa just has to go see a man about a horse for a second."
    

Keith Richards-Run Rudolph Run