Happy Hanukkah

Weird thing happened to me today. I said "Merry Christmas" to someone and I felt guilty. And the more I think about it, I think I was right. To feel guilty, that is. At our store we're supposed to answer the phone these days by saying, "Happy Holidays." Well, it was kind of crazy today, and the additional phone greeting hasn't yet become rote to me, so before I knew it I said "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays." As soon as I said it I kind of braced myself for what the person on the other end of the line might say back, but he didn't say a thing.

Got me thinking, though. At lunch I read in Time magazine about the supposed "war on Christmas" and how some people are boycotting stores that say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." I also read about how in Uganda homosexuality is now illegal and that if you go for an HIV test and test positive you are sentenced to death.

The mind reels.

First of all, as a retail worker, I don't owe you anything but my politeness and my best effort to help you find what you're looking for. Since there are several different holidays this time of year, it seems like a nice gesture to wish you happy ones. Whichever ones you may want to celebrate. It seems a little presumptuous of me to assume/guess which holidays those may be. I don't size you up when you're walking up to the information counter, assume what kinds of books you're going to be looking for, and address you accordingly--"You must be looking for a divorce kit, right?" or, "I bet you want to see the new edition of The Joy of Gay Sex we just got in," or, "Looks like you need Crohn's Disease For Dummies." I'd probably get a slap in the face, at least, if I said something like that, and rightly so (just as I'd rightly get a slap in the face if I made any judgmental comment when people do, yes they do, ask for those--or whatever-- items). So why must I assume you're Christian, or Jewish, or Muslim, or whatever? It makes no common, rational, humane sense.

The store where I work is truly diverse, and I realize that word makes some people's skin crawl, but it's true. Today, it's true, I mailed a copy of The Koran to a customer, helped a woman look for a Gospel CD and helped a couple track down two hard-to-find Jewish prayer books. And that was all before my first cigarette break. The world today, not just THE WORLD, but the world we Americans (and, speaking for myself, we Christian Americans) live in is extremely diverse. Shouldn't we bask in that and thank God, Allah, Yahweh, Vishnu, Buddah, Tom, Dick, Harriet, Mammon, or whatever is your higher power, that we don't live in a country like Uganda?

I wish all those Happy Holidays boycotters would spend half the energy they spend on trying to make people they don't even know say "Merry Christmas" to them on trying a little harder to be the light of their own little worlds, you know, "in the true Christmas spirit."

Hanukkah started last Friday and continues all week. Why shouldn't I answer the phone "Happy Hanukkah" this week? Well, because not all of our customers are Jewish, that's why. That's why I shouldn't be answering the phone "Merry Christmas" twelve days before Christmas. Got it?

Something tells me we all would have happier holidays--all of them--if we'd all just chill out a little. Including me. Descending from my soapbox now. Good day.

Woody Guthrie-Hanukkah Dance