Well it's out with the old time of year again. In lieu of rock solid resolutions, every year during the first week of January I start making a list of titles that I hope over the course of the new year will inspire me to write poems, short stories, novellas, trilogies, sit-com treatments, poison pen letters, ballads, punk songs, unrequited love letters, new chapters in my ongoing creative non-fiction autobiography, etc. During the year I assiduously check off the titles I've used, then come the end of December I have a little bonfire ceremony to bid adieu to the unused titles and sort of clear the literary sinuses for a new year. This year, however, due mainly to the fact that I kind of made good on my one resolution of 2009--to be more aware of my carbon footprint--and also to the overwhelming feeling of guilt I felt upon receiving not one but two ice scraper mitts for Christmas (which made me realize I have to be nicer and less naughtier in the coming year), I have made the decision not to burn my leftover titles, but to offer them, gratis, to all you dear readers. Plunder what you will; I ask nothing in return except maybe an effort to use any of the words vouchsafe, desuetude, estivate, or saudade in your writing. A rejoinder, though, no returns--all plunderings final.
Cleaning Out My Unused Title Drawer
Ecce Nomo
Dummies for Dummies
Skittish With Yiddish: Goy Boy Fails to Pass Over With His Jewish Neighbors
Butting In: Civil Disobedience for Smokers
The Pitcher in the Barley
The Armchair Couch Potato
Pleading the Fifth But Getting Only a Pint for My Troubles
Fruit Punches I’ve Ducked
The Vicarious Kama Sutra
The Purpose Driven Wife: Hen-Pecked Men Spouse Grouse
Second-Hand Smut
Putting It All On: Stripping for Dyslexics
Pimp My Pimp: A Hooker’s Tale of the Biz
Baggage Claim: How to Deal Honestly With Your Past
Moby-Hick, or, The Great White Male
An Oprah Book Club Selection
Drawing Stick Figures by Numbers
The Great Gatsby
The Complete Idiots Guide to Dummies Books
Tan Lines I Have Crossed
The Bad Spellers Book for Dyslexic Wiccans
Neutral Milk Hotel-Untitled
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