Saturday, April 17, 2010

Twas The Night Before Pay Day




No, it all worked out fine, Mama. Fred towed that massive gas grill that never cooked right down to the pawn shop with Marlene's ten speed, but when he got more money than he thought he would he started hankering for steaks rather than the microwaveable White Castle burgers we were planning on, but then he realized we'd have nothing to grill the steaks on, and heaven forbid Fred ever broils his steaks, so he had one of his little brainstorms right there in the doorway of the pawn shop, went out and detached the front wheel of the bike, pawned it, went next store to the Wal-Mart and bribed the greeter there with the money he got for the bike tire to secure the use of a shopping cart for a few hours, jerryrigged it up to the bike, rode over to Sam the butcher's and bought the steaks with the pawned grill money, rode back home and laid the shopping cart on top of that old stone bird bath everyone else had forgotten about, cooked the steaks on it, and we had the best grilled meat we've had in years. Then he napped and got up at midnight, rode the bike and the shopping cart (I had cleaned it real good) down to the ATM where the direct deposit was waiting for him, returned the shopping cart to the Wal-Mart (it's a twenty-four hour one) locked up the bike and walked three blocks to the Speedway for his shift, worked a full day, bought all our lotto tickets for the week, and a two gallon container of gas for the truck, walked back to the pawn shop and got the bike tire out of hock, put it back on the bike, stopped by ACE cash checking to pay the phone bill (it's turned back on now, duh, sorry about being incommunicado these last couple days) and just to surprise me he rode back over to Sam's (one-handed as he was holding the gas can in the other, Fred's got good balance) and picked up some more steaks, stuffed 'em in his pants (after paying, of course) and rode back home straight to the truck which he dumped the gas in, drove on down to the ravine where he knew he'd find him an old battered shopping cart, threw it back in the truck and drove home back to the bird bath which he's cooking them steaks on right now with the new shopping cart. Oh, I got to hang up now, Mama, them steaks look like they're all cooked. I told you I found myself an ingenious one this time, didn't I? 

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