Beam Me Up, Whoever You Are

Have you heard this? For nearly the last two weeks, there have been just about nightly sightings of UFOs over Euclid, Ohio--just east of Cleveland and only a couple miles from my own home base (check the link--video of the weird lights). I've got a few theories on what's drawing the ETs to our wonderful metropolis on Lake Erie. Maybe the universe is finally getting wind of LeBron James and wants a peek. Maybe they think that since Cleveland is supposedly so miserable we're an easy target for an invasion: surely the rest of Earth won't mind if we (the aliens) take over this miserable little place. Maybe the visitors come from a truly parallel universe where everything is the reverse of what it is here on Earth. Thus, to them, Cleveland would be paradise. Maybe they've heard about Malley's bacon, covered in chocolate! Maybe they revere potholes.

Whatever the reason, I've decided that as long as their probes aren't too obtrusive, they have me back in time for the NBA Finals in June, and they don't ask me about the Kentucky Derby in 1987, I'd happily go along with them for a ride. In fact, last night it was so clear and pleasant out, I stood in the backyard and peered up at the sky Euclid-way for half an hour, hoping for at least a sighting, at best a ride. I really want to see a UFO sometime, just so I can be like all those others who've seen one and are so serious when you ask. "Yep, I've seen one," kind of like somebody saying they've seen an animal eat its young: yeah, I'm privileged, I saw it, and unless you've seen it too, we have nothing to talk about because you just don't understand.

Anyway, if this truly is cyberspace I'm scribbling in, then this is my open invitation to aliens from across the universe: drop on by, I'd love to see you sometime.

The Holy Modal Rounders-Mr. Spaceman