Wednesday, December 30, 2009

End Of The Year...



Well it's out with the old time of year again. In lieu of rock solid resolutions, every year during the first week of January I start making a list of titles that I hope over the course of the new year will inspire me to write poems, short stories, novellas, trilogies, sit-com treatments, poison pen letters, ballads, punk songs, unrequited love letters, new chapters in my ongoing creative non-fiction autobiography, etc. During the year I assiduously check off the titles I've used, then come the end of December I have a little bonfire ceremony to bid adieu to the unused titles and sort of clear the literary sinuses for a new year. This year, however, due mainly to the fact that I kind of made good on my one resolution of 2009--to be more aware of my carbon footprint--and also to the overwhelming feeling of guilt I felt upon receiving not one but two ice scraper mitts for Christmas (which made me realize I have to be nicer and less naughtier in the coming year), I have made the decision not to burn my leftover titles, but to offer them, gratis, to all you dear readers. Plunder what you will; I ask nothing in return except maybe an effort to use any of the words vouchsafe, desuetude, estivate, or saudade in your writing. A rejoinder, though, no returns--all plunderings final.

Cleaning Out My Unused Title Drawer


Ecce Nomo

Dummies for Dummies

Skittish With Yiddish: Goy Boy Fails to Pass Over With His Jewish Neighbors

Butting In: Civil Disobedience for Smokers

The Pitcher in the Barley

The Armchair Couch Potato

Pleading the Fifth But Getting Only a Pint for My Troubles

Fruit Punches I’ve Ducked

The Vicarious Kama Sutra

The Purpose Driven Wife: Hen-Pecked Men Spouse Grouse

Second-Hand Smut

Putting It All On: Stripping for Dyslexics

Pimp My Pimp: A Hooker’s Tale of the Biz

Baggage Claim: How to Deal Honestly With Your Past

Moby-Hick, or, The Great White Male

An Oprah Book Club Selection

Drawing Stick Figures by Numbers

The Great Gatsby

The Complete Idiots Guide to Dummies Books

Tan Lines I Have Crossed

The Bad Spellers Book for Dyslexic Wiccans


Neutral Milk Hotel-Untitled

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