A Great Day To Be Uncle Fester

So what kind of solace do I receive after a rather long, loony week? I wake up this morning to my radio telling me today/tonight is not only a full moon, but the closest the moon will be to the Earth in 18 years. Unfortunately I have to go to work today, so I can't take refuge underneath my covers all day from the lunar assault. I guess it's going to be a long day dodging craters (aka potholes) on my way to and fro work, calmly helping off-kilter customers look for things like a Pop-Up version of Naked Lunch, the graphic novel of Helen Keller's life, an audio book version of the Marcel Marceau coffee table tome, and a box set of Richard Carpenter's complete solo recordings, and idly wondering if the Moonies are all happily mass-married and when they're planning their big media comeback.

It all makes me wish I could be Uncle Fester for a day and a night. With his electricity-conducting capabilities, his faithful blunderbuss ("I'll shoot him in the back"), and his fool-proof scheme for fishing--use dynamite--the guy had it all together. In addition, according to wiki's entry, in the original sitcom where he really came to life, Uncle Fester was Morticia's maternal uncle, making his full name Fester Frump. Does it get any better than that? But of course the members of the Addams Family were known for their love of moon-bathing, so I dedicate whatever goofy, lunar-related trials I encounter today/tonight to their enjoyment of the moon's closeness, especially Fester's, just because.

Could the key line ("something in the moonlight still hounds him") in Bob Dylan's vastly underrated song "Handy Dandy" be actually about Uncle Fester, rather than Prince, as has been claimed? I wonder if the rate of college kids exposing their buttocks will rise exponentially today? Enough, the palms are starting to itch and I suddenly need a shave really bad.