If I Had A Hat To Hang, Maybe I'd Feel More At Home In This World

I saw a guy in a beret today, and I instantly had one of those thoughts you have every once in a great while, one you've never consciously thought before but that you know is a lifetime thought--always been there, always will be. The thought today was, I will never wear a beret in my lifetime. Now I suppose I could say something nasty like, some guys can pull off the beret look; the rest of us are men, but it's Sunday in Lent, and I don't mean to be nasty. The truth is, some men can pull off the beret look without looking like a fool. I, and most other men, I would argue, are not in that club.

The further, more personal, truth is, as I've written somewhere before, I have searched my life for the appropriate hat. Now those who know me know I don't sweat the details of fashion all that much. I love words like sartorial and haberdasher, but the idea of "personal style" is not one I mull too much. Still, though, the idea of the appropriate hat is one that somehow has always appealed to me. But just what kind of hat? Certainly not a beret. Stetson? Fedora? Bowler? Derby? Pork pie? On and on, hats have some great names, and, worn on the right person, they simply but profoundly complete that whole person's aura. Jimmy Durante was naked without his hat--that's what I'm talking about. A hat so me that without it people would say, is that really you, Mr. spitoutyourgum? I'm not talking functional, everyday hats like a baseball one for the summer or a knit cap for the winter, but a hat to wear, to inhabit, not just use.

In the fantasy game, what would I say to Bob if I ever met him, the one all Dylan fanatics play, I have a set, unchanging answer/question: Bob, how important is the appropriate hat? I'd ask this because Dylan is one of the few people who can pull off putting on any kind of a hat and still look great, like the particular style of hat was made just for him. I'd hate to see it, but I'm sure Bob would look great in a beret. To my eyes, the only hat that didn't look right on Bob was that black cap he sported in his early New York days and on the cover of his first album (the cap writers are seemingly legally-bound to describe as a "Huck Finn" cap, which makes no sense to me as I could never picture the heroic Huck Finn wearing one of those caps, a Greek fisherman's cap, in my way of explaining [which reminds me of the great Arlo Guthrie line about songwriting being a lot like fishing, and too bad for the songwriter fishing downstream from Bob, he catches them all--somebody should write a song using that line]).

I don't know what all this means, just that I confess to craving the appropriate hat to complete my personal non-style and that today I have consciously, definitively, crossed the beret off my list. That isn't really progress, I know, but at least it saves me from ever following some ill-conceived notion and trying one on. Bob, if you're out there reading this, please advise.

                                                                        no

                                                                   hell yes

                                                                        yep

                                          even in a makeshift hat, Bob wears it great

                                      not many can make this headwear look this cool

                                             no one does the Jewish-cowboy                                              imitating an Amish farmer better

                                                             yes, somehow

                                                                yes, eternally