Thursday, March 3, 2011

Homonymsicals


Just some fun with familiar phrases and terms, homonyms and homophones. I'm not claiming total originality; some of these are just too obvious to me.
  • hew and cry: what happens when you accidentally ax yourself instead of the tree
  • deep friar: the most profound monk in the monastery
  • queue shot: a photograph of the long lines outside of somewhere
  • hart and sole: surf and turf for the venison-loving crowd
  • bitchin' mown: an ultra-cool grass cutting job; "You see his frontyard? It's a bitchin' mown."
  • pore boy: a guy who sweats profusively
  • gallop Pole: a horseman from Cracow
  • pane in the ass: what results when your mule doesn't see the sliding glass doors
  • soar loser: any also-ran in either a hot air balloon race or pole vault meet
  • Czech book: e.g., The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
  • no harm no fowl: if you can't kill the chicken, you can't eat the chicken
  • peek performance: a voyeur at work
  • begs for Moor: curtain calls for the actor portraying Othello
  • scoreless Thai: a native of Bangkok who's a luckless virgin
  • Styx and Stones: an unlikely concert billing
  • stolen bass: another thing that pissed Charles Mingus off
  • lift waits: what a British elevator does when you press the hold button
  • beached wail: "You idiot, you forgot the sunscreen!"
  • bake sail: a regatta for stoners
  • residoodoo: months-old remnants of dog crap found on your lawn after the spring thaw
  • route beer: the road with all the late-nite convenience stores
  • lug nut: a bellhop who's crazy about his job
  • embraceable yew: a tree-hugger's delight
  • humble pi: 3.14159265 rounded off to 3
  • counter fit: finding a seat at the bar in a crowded restaurant
  • log in: feeding the fire
  • the kneady: one who receives a massage
  • ferry tail: the stern
  • alter boy: to circumcise
  • Diet Coax: Weight Watchers
  • pal ail: an empathetic friend
  • wreckless driver: an insurance company's dream
  • gale pale: a white tornado
  • Gaul stones: rocks found in France
  • high lie: "My eyes are red from rubbing them, that's all."
  • beer any burden: to seek refuge in the hops and barley whenever the going gets rough
  • youth hostile: any adolescent
  • sects education: instruction on the differences between the Shia and the Sunni
  • loo lieu: in a pinch, any clump of trees will do
  • Hyde and Sikh: strange bedfellows indeed
  • sigh'o'nora: the usual response from James Joyce's wife to one of his multi-language puns

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