Homonymsicals

Just some fun with familiar phrases and terms, homonyms and homophones. I'm not claiming total originality; some of these are just too obvious to me.

• hew and cry: what happens when you accidentally ax yourself instead of the tree
• deep friar: the most profound monk in the monastery
• queue shot: a photograph of the long lines outside of somewhere
• hart and sole: surf and turf for the venison-loving crowd
• bitchin' mown: an ultra-cool grass cutting job; "You see his frontyard? It's a bitchin' mown."
• pore boy: a guy who sweats profusively
• gallop Pole: a horseman from Cracow
• pane in the ass: what results when your mule doesn't see the sliding glass doors
• soar loser: any also-ran in either a hot air balloon race or pole vault meet
• Czech book: e.g., The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
• no harm no fowl: if you can't kill the chicken, you can't eat the chicken
• peek performance: a voyeur at work
• begs for Moor: curtain calls for the actor portraying Othello
• scoreless Thai: a native of Bangkok who's a luckless virgin
• Styx and Stones: an unlikely concert billing
• stolen bass: another thing that pissed Charles Mingus off
• lift waits: what a British elevator does when you press the hold button
• beached wail: "You idiot, you forgot the sunscreen!"
• bake sail: a regatta for stoners
• residoodoo: months-old remnants of dog crap found on your lawn after the spring thaw
• route beer: the road with all the late-nite convenience stores
• lug nut: a bellhop who's crazy about his job
• embraceable yew: a tree-hugger's delight
• humble pi: 3.14159265 rounded off to 3
• counter fit: finding a seat at the bar in a crowded restaurant
• log in: feeding the fire
• the kneady: one who receives a massage
• ferry tail: the stern
• alter boy: to circumcise
• Diet Coax: Weight Watchers
• pal ail: an empathetic friend
• wreckless driver: an insurance company's dream
• gale pale: a white tornado
• Gaul stones: rocks found in France
• high lie: "My eyes are red from rubbing them, that's all."
• beer any burden: to seek refuge in the hops and barley whenever the going gets rough
• youth hostile: any adolescent
• sects education: instruction on the differences between the Shia and the Sunni
• loo lieu: in a pinch, any clump of trees will do
• Hyde and Sikh: strange bedfellows indeed
• sigh'o'nora: the usual response from James Joyce's wife to one of his multi-language puns