17 Lists

Santa Claus, given today's omni-neurotic climate, must be a pretty laid-back guy. Anybody who makes a list and checks it only twice obviously has his psychic baggage neatly arranged.

The world is filled with listmakers and their lists. Go into any bookstore, read any kind of magazine, check any website, or, God forbid, wade through scores of blogs, and you'll be bombarded with lists of what to do before you die (I believe Oprah's next book club book is going to be paranormal guru's [is there a feminine form of guru? guruette? galru?] Sylvia Brown's scintillating 1,001 Astral Planes to Visit After You 'Cross Over'), what to listen to now, what to eat, drink, avoid, pray to, complain about.

I blame the perfect storm (16th on my list of cringe-worthy phrases) that's been brewing for years now whose elements include cable tv, High Fidelity (book by Nick Hornby, movie starring John Cusack), the internet (don't you look askance at people who call it "the web"?), David Letterman, self-importance, not enough unstructured play time for our children, restless leg syndrome, fewer smokers, Obama's nebulous but most certainly something-ist health care reform plans, the death of print journalism, Glenn Beck, and academia's cruel neglect of Totie Fields.

I've already read enough Best of 2009 lists to short-circuit me and it isn't even October. To be honest, the only public lists that really matter are these. But, because the fourth item on my life-coach's agenda (a list is a list, pal) for my self-renewal is "go with the flow, less obstreperously," I'll submit and give you all a glance (premium followers of this site get the Full Danny) at my own frenzied list-making.

Herewith, then, excerpts from some of my most recent and thought-provoking lists. (In honor of my father, whose go-to number was always some variation on 17, as in, "There must be 17,000 parenthetical asides in this post," I'll provide the 17th item from 17 lists.)

Favorite Sunsets (Week of June 15-21)

17. Wednesday, June 17--"the hues have a quasi-Basil Rathbone-ish feel to them"

Places I Want To Revisist Today, March 13

17. Waffle House, Exit 48, .3 miles >, I-77 North, North Carolina

Favorite Last Names

17. Wallechinsky

Least Favorite City's Tap Water

17. Tacoma

Most Overrated Underrated Beatles Tune

17. "Kom, Gib Mir Deine Hand"--German-language version of "I Want To Hold Your Hand"

Favorite Dead Comedians

17. tie: Carrot Top; Totie Fields

Favorite Big Ten Teams

17. n/a

Blog Post Ideas

17. Who Would Name Their Kid Totie?

Least Favorite Digit

17. tie: 21; left ring finger

Colors I Have No Idea What They Look Like

17. puce

1,001 Recordings I'll Die Before I Listen To

17. Jim Nabors Covers Johnny Mathis

Words To Work Into My Everyday Chit-Chat More Often

17. rube

Shopping List, August 4

17. post-its (generic brand)

May 14: This Rash On My Arm Might Be

17. ague

Sexiest Use of Pen and Pad Witnessed, Ever

17. Waitress, Waffle House, Exit 48, .3 miles >, I-77 North, North Carolina

Top 20 Mediocre Bruce Springsteen Songs

17. "Ramrod"

To Don't List, April, 2009

17. power nap at the DMV


Ian Dury & The Blockheads-Reasons to Be Cheerful (Pt.3)

And check out this fabulous list: Doug Hall's "These Are The Rules"