One For The Kids

For a long time I've admired the poetry of native Ohioan David Wagoner, especially his poem "Walking in a Swamp." In direct language the poem gives what seems like very sound advice about what to do if you find yourself stuck and sinking in a swamp. But the poem also functions on a more metaphoric, symbolic level as well. Wagoner has several poems in this vein.

Anyway, I loved the poem so much, I ripped it off for an entire summer a few years ago. I wrote a whole series of quasi-instructional poems for children. Here's one of my favorites:

If You Swallow A Watermelon Seed . . .

If you swallow a watermelon seed,
Don’t panic.
Don’t cough a thunderstorm,
Don’t squeeze your tummy up your throat,
Don’t even call a plumber.
You won’t grow a watermelon tree inside of you.
It’ll pass.
But,
If you’re the adventurous sort,
The kind of kid who walks backwards in the dark
And hops on one foot for an hour
Just to make your little sister angry,
Well then, maybe you might want
To grow a watermelon tree inside you.
If so,
Eat a plate of cholocately graham cracker pie crust immediately;
Your tummy’ll need some good soil for the seed to root in.
Drink nine glasses of water every day
To irrigate your baby watermelon tree properly.
Once a week, fertilize it with some Gummy Bears
To give your watermelons that sweet flavor.
Stand on your head once a month for three minutes
To encourage rapid growth
And sing songs to your tree regularly, but remember to sing them
With your mouth closed so the song goes down into your tummy.
Make sure you clean your ears every night, because
That’s where the watermelons come out when they’re ripe
And ready to eat.
But be patient.
Watermelons are large and oh so good
So they take a long time to grow.
You’ll be an old person of thirty or forty
By the time you have watermelons growing out of your ears,
But that’s okay because
When you’re grown up is when you really need the pleasure
Of having watermelons growing out of your ears.
And besides, you’ll have a reason to eat Gummy Bears
For years and years and years.

Greg Brown-Mighty Sweet Watermelon

Mongo Santamaria-Watermelon Man