Does This Bookmark Make Me Look Fat? (Book Club Discussion Questions In Search Of A Novel To Be Applied To)

Congratulations! You've finished the book (or at least are going to try to bluff your way through another book club get-together). The following questions should help you and your fellow book club members enjoy a spirited discussion of the book in your hands, help you gain insights into the book you may have been too distracted (or just too damn ignorant) to have picked up on in the first place, and most important, keep your book club discussion focused on the book rather than drifting into inane gossip and bad-mouthing the two members who have just missed their third discussion in a row.

1. Nobody's judging here, we're all friends, did you finish the book? Make it halfway through? Read the cover? Do you ever read any of the books Alex picks?
2. Who was supposed to bring the wine this time?
3. Just asking, does anybody, um, can't stand reading?
4. Did this book make you cry?
5. If no, would you still recommend it?
6. Did anybody else think the main character was, like, an animal until about page 75?
7. Does anybody else hate coming to book club at Shelly's house?
8. What's that smell?
9. How you do feel about the choice of font?
10. On page 38, when Mario makes the pass at Julie, was that just like middle school or something or what?
11. Did anyone else have erotic dreams about Mario's mechanic, Floyd, who appears briefly on pages 89 and 93 and then is like totally forgotten by the author?
12. Can one plausibly make the case that the whole Mario, laid off, whispering to horses and suddenly wearing kilts episode is an allegory for the passion of Christ?
13. Is it just my imagination, or does anyone find it highly probable that the author, the ambiguously named Terry Flugle, underwent a sex change operation during the course of writing this book? Oh yeah, just check out the passage from pages 147-151, beginning, "With the ease of a lazy kite, Mario strolled onto the veranda," and ending "...unless of course Claudette was the plumber's helper."
14. Does anyone know what the word "mien" on page 179, toward the bottom, means?
15. Who forgot to flush?
16. Given a Marxist-Feminist reading, could you argue that Mario's attempted murder of the Bingo game operator is not only justified but goddamn necessary?
17. The part where Mario talks to the waitress about roofing and lesions, and there's all that description of the butter pads, what the hell's going on there?
18. Would Mario make a good lifeguard? Show your work.
19. Deus ex machina: the dolphin piloting the helicopter off the grounds of the rehab center?
20. Does Nicholas Sparks have a new one out?

Little Willie John-Talk To Me, Talk To Me